New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
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