You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
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