dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
Classy? Dude, she fucked 3 guys as part of a scavenger hunt
And?
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
True strength comes from lack of pants
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
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