Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
Randomize
