I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
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