DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
Im part way to drunk.
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
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