Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
Randomize
