My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
69 |D_O
wtf does that mean??
it's a very specialized emoticon, means 'i heard you fucking some dude through my bedroom wall last night and so i listened intently"
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
Randomize
