sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
I wonder how skeet ulrich feels about the skeet skeet phrase and and what it denotes.
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
Randomize