Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
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