you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Randomize
