I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
Randomize
