I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Randomize
