just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
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