Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
Randomize
