Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
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