i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
Randomize
