carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
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