what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
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