so i just googled the prescription for aldara i saw on your desk this morning...
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Randomize
