Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
Randomize
