oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
Randomize
