Omg! Love it! Cant find L*****
What!!?? Like after last night you lost her?
Yea me and L***** came back to out hotel at 3am to regroup then went back out; police and 2 bars later, I don't know what happened. Vegas is nuts!
I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
Randomize
