It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
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