he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Randomize
