last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
Randomize
