Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
Randomize
