ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
I need moral support for this bender
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
Randomize