evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
Randomize
