He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
Randomize