how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
Randomize