You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
Randomize
