she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
Randomize
