Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
Randomize
