The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
