i think my tv is drunk
Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
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