Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
I believe in your delicious
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
Randomize
