I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
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