We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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