Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
you will always have a special place in my vag
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
Randomize
