Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Randomize