i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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