I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Randomize
