Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
