So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize
