currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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