once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
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