You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
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