why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
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