I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
Randomize
