Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
you had me at cake vodka
I will pee on everything he values.
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Randomize
