I think she gave up trying 2 land a bf and let herself go
You misogynist thinking that every girl wants a bf
They do. I don't appreciate u using big words idk and im gonna take offense
It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
