Sry I called you an 8
Culvers...So Good
So good. The butter burgers slip right outta my ass.
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
Randomize
