Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
mondays should just be called national damage control day
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
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