biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
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