but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
Randomize
