just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
Randomize