Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
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