Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Randomize
