If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize