It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
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