not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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