i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
Randomize
