He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
Randomize
