I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
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