even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
Randomize
